


The Happy Couple

by PhantomEngineer



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Thor (Movies)
Genre: Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-20
Updated: 2019-02-20
Packaged: 2019-11-01 09:39:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,606
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17864954
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PhantomEngineer/pseuds/PhantomEngineer
Summary: Thor gets married, as is expected of a prince of Asgard. Loki the liar pastes a smile on his face, going through the motions of celebrating the wedding as he does his best to hide how much he wishes it could be him.





	The Happy Couple

**Author's Note:**

> Response to a prompt

On the one hand, Loki was so grateful for his magic that allowed him to ensure that there was no trace of red about his eyes, no hint of the misery that haunted his heart visible on his face. He was grateful that Thor took everything at face value, including his smiling congratulations and cheerful jokes. On the other hand it broke his heart even more that no matter how much he adored Thor, Thor had never looked beyond the carefully curated mask Loki wore every damn day to see that Loki wasn’t convinced he would survive the day.

He had always known that the day would come. Had always known that there was nothing he could do except paste the brightest, most sincere smile on his face and act. He was an excellent liar. Everyone knew that. They just didn’t quite know the real reasons why, because every single moment of his existence since the dual realisation that he loved Thor and that he could never have him.

He was Loki. He had thought. He had schemed. He had pined and he had longed. He had learnt to shape-shift, to manipulate and to craft all kinds of fake realities. And ultimately, he loved Thor far too much to ever consider actually playing out some malevolent scheme where he won his love by being someone else. He knew that it could be him that Thor was marrying. It was simple, really. All he had to do was fake his own death (easy really, and with the added bonus that he’d be able to see how much Thor loved him even if it wasn’t quite in the way Loki wanted Thor to love him), transfigure himself into the sort of woman that Thor would love (and he’d watched jealously for long enough to know that he could be the perfect woman for Thor) and present himself (well, herself it would be but Loki had never been too attached to constraints of gender or sex) in Asgard just when Thor needed comfort (and Loki knew how to comfort Thor). He could have done it, only he couldn’t do it to Thor. Sometimes he hated himself beyond all reproach, not just for all the broken shattered mess of whatever it was that was wrong with him for being so desperately in love with his own brother, but for loving Thor enough that he couldn’t bear to deceive him (even if everything he ever did was deceit because no one could ever know what he truly felt). 

The ceremony was beautiful. Sif was beautiful, and Loki did his best not to compare himself with her. Not to draw up the list of their similarities that could almost make him believe he had a chance, if he hadn’t been Thor’s brother. Not to draw up a list of all the ways he fell short, reminding him that his inadequacies were far greater than simply being Thor’s brother.

Thor was far more radiant than either of them of course, even accounting for the fact that Loki was biased. That Loki looked at Thor and saw the sunlight, the universe, his entire reason for living. Loki knew he wasn’t a good person, not just because he longed for Thor but because he knew he would let every single Asgardian, every single person in the entire universe, burn if it made Thor smile at him the way that Thor was currently smiling at his new bride who was Sif and not Loki, even if Thor did keep glancing his way and gracing him with that radiance. Loki would cheerfully start Ragnarok if it meant Thor would love him in the way he longed for, would see whole worlds destroyed to keep Thor safe from harm. There was nothing more precious in the universe than Thor, no number of lives worth his. 

Loki smiled back, playing the role of a happy brother the way he always had. He was so good at it he almost wished he could receive some recognition for his skill, but his talents had never been the kind that garnered recognition. This was even worse than anything else, the scorn for being the lesser son would be nothing in comparison to being in love with his brother. Not that Loki could see how anyone could see Thor, could know Thor, without being helplessly and ardently in love with him.

He smiled so much his cheeks hurt and he thought his mask might crack, shattering and leaving the truth revealed for all to see. And yet, it didn’t. He smiled as the happy couple danced just as he had smiled when the happy couple had kissed. He smiled whenever Thor glanced his way, as he always did because Thor was a good brother even if Loki wasn’t. He smiled because at least Thor was happy and he had already given up all hope that he ever would be. He smiled even though he knew that now things would change, that all the innocent brotherly moments they spent together that he treasured more than the air he breathed would dwindle as Thor devoted himself to his new bride. Now another held a greater claim to Thor’s time and Loki would be left to fade into the shadows like a spectre. A ghost who had died of a broken heart, even though he wasn’t yet sure if that was possible. It felt like it, if the aching in his chest was anything to go by, but at the same time it didn’t matter. Even if his body continued to drag itself through life he knew that eventually his soul would give up. He had been slowly dying for centuries, trapped in his own private torture chamber. The wedding was only the final confirmation, the moment the ship was set alight and sent to Valhalla, though this was no battle deserving of a place in Valhalla.

He danced with the ladies who were always so eager to dance with him, his attention elsewhere but still his footwork was as elegant as always. He danced with Fandral, because they often did have a silly dance together as the two most graceful men there, making ladies sigh and getting a few rolled eyes at the continuation of a youthful game that had ended up as a tradition. He even danced with Sif, as that was the proper thing to do. He didn’t dance with Thor. He had never danced with Thor. He would never dance with Thor. 

Only in his dreams.

He remained at the party even after the newlyweds left, because the god of mischief had always been the life and soul of the party. He kept all manner of nameless faces entertained far longer than the party should have gone on for, making them laugh. Ensuring that Thor’s wedding would be talked of as the greatest celebration Asgard had ever seen for centuries to come if not millennia. A wedding to go down in the annals of history, to be dramatised and sung about. Anything as long as Loki didn’t have to go back to his bed to be alone with his thoughts, as he knew he would be unable to keep himself from thinking about Thor and Sif, from thinking about every single spell he knew that could switch him with Sif, could make him look just like her, could… 

There was so much he could do and he knew that he couldn’t do a single thing except smile as if he meant it, and it was easier to smile with an audience. Lies lost all meaning once he was alone, unable to fool himself into believing that he was happy. Unable to fool himself into believing that he ever had been truly happy and that he ever would be, unable to justify living beyond the sense that if he wasn’t alive there would be no one to watch over Thor and keep him from harm.

***

Thor sighed, finally relaxing as he sunk down onto the bed. Sif sat down next to him, rubbing his shoulders even though they both knew it wasn’t her he wanted to be there with him. He smiled weakly at her, grateful for her friendship even as his thoughts were inhabited by his beloved brother as they almost always were, his head full of the image of Loki’s happy smile all through the ceremony as Thor struggled to keep his own in place rather than break down and be honest. It was the only thing he was good at lying about, because he’d had centuries of practice, of ensuring that Loki for all his cleverness never knew that Thor’s brotherly love transcended the usual boundaries of what brothers felt. Anything to ensure that Loki never withdrew his affections because every single tiny gesture was preserved in Thor’s memory to be cherished for all of time and he needed Loki more than anything. Needed to at least be able to be his brother, to protect him from harm and to bask in his chaotic nature. To be graced with Loki’s mischievous smile and enchanting eyes.

“Thank you,” he said, relieved that at least he would never have to deceive her at least into believing that he loved her. Knowing that she was his close friend and his only confidant for the one thing that he could never tell Loki, so with her at least he could stop pretending.

“That’s what friends are for,” she replied, resting her head against his shoulder, not needing to ask to know what he was thinking about. She could guess.

He was thinking about Loki.


End file.
